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Nov. 9th, 2005 @ 01:28 pm As long as I make it through today.
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: people gabbering
Actually, I just have to make it until 4.50. Right now some stupid idiots are taking WAY to long to finish these quizes we're taking in Research Methods. There's like one person still working. I finished FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO. Stupids.

So this weekend Alan and I are off to Boone!! Hopefully Lauren won't be sick, and hopefully we'll have good weather. NO SNOW! hehehe..

oh, looks like class might be starting again...finally!
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Some Things
Nov. 3rd, 2005 @ 12:45 pm So I'm Pissed
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: silence
I just read one of my mom's emails that she had open (she should really close these things) b/c I learned a long time ago that my mother will just leave things lying around that say how she really feels about me...and my father, and grandmother...ugh. She's always writing these "books" about her life. It makes me so angry. Anyways.

This time her email said, and I'm going to quote here: "this has actually been a rather tough year on lots of levels. Work, financial, dealing with Leigh's anxiety."

Oh yes, SHE really dealt so much with MY anxiety. SO SORRY that I was such a burden on her.

But the really sad thing is...I know that I'm a burden on everyone. Oh lord, it's going to be one of THOSE days.
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Can't Live
Nov. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:33 pm Um, yeah...
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: You've Already Won Me Over- Alanis Morsette
So I just found out that my mom's doing that Big Brother/Big Sister thing in the Char-Meck school system. Guess what the girls name is that she's helping.

Flavour Balls.

How high were HER parents?
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Can't Live
Nov. 2nd, 2005 @ 02:52 pm Alright, now I have a Bit More to SAY
Current Mood: amusedamused
So in my American Revolution class we were talking about slavery and I brought up the idea of wage slaves in the North (to show how EVERYONE and EVERYTHING was racist back then...I mean, it's not slaver but it's still shitty, and that people can understand wage slaves b/c they still exist and understand how it took a long time for the US to fix that problem and that we should try looking at slavery that way) and my professor FLIPPED. The moment I said "wage slaves" she freaked and was like, NO the only people who believe in wage slaves are "Marxists and those who support slavery." Now I am not a Marxist (yay Capitalism!) and I don't support slavery. But you CAN'T issolate slavery and condemn the south when the broader issue is of race and class system. I mean, slaves are the lowest form OF the class system. Anyways, she made me cry and I was very upset b/c I had an exam in like 15 minutes and I was SO upset and crying and Alan was trying to calm me down and get me to my exam on time.

Ugh. Yankees.

But then my day was brightened by Preacher Gary. If you DON'T know who Preacher Gary is you're truely missing out. He's this crazy ass old white dude who goes around to the public colleges and preachs. We can't throw him off cause it's built partly with tax payers money. But anyways, he's fucking nuts and condemns everyone up to and including Jesus Christ. (he of course, is a saint) anyways, right after my exam I went and watched when a Native American/African American lesbian got in his face cause he called her a "lesbo" She went and tried to get the dean. I eventually had to go to my next class, but when I got back out there an hour and a half later he was still preaching and the NA/AA Lesbian was back, dean-less, and still yelling. Then this older Christian white guy GOT IN HIS FACE and told him off too. We all cheered for him. But by then the crowd has closed in on him. I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to beat him up.

Anyways, that's always a fun source of entertainment.
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Nov. 2nd, 2005 @ 09:42 am (no subject)
I have nothing to say.
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Some Things
Oct. 19th, 2005 @ 10:44 am MWHAHAHAHA!
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: clang clang clang goes the trolly,dingdingding goes the bell
Do any of you know how pretty a 103 is on a midterm exam paper?

um, don't answer that. I want to feel special.
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Oct. 12th, 2005 @ 12:47 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
I SO should be on my way to my next class but I don't WANNA. I WANT to go home and lay down. I'm sleepy.
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Can't Live
Oct. 6th, 2005 @ 09:22 pm Ten Great Things
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Ellen DeGenerous
Oh you people are evil, making me be positive.

3)actually getting ALONG with my parents
5)making an A in two of my five classes
6)enjoying the people I work with
7)having plans with friends
8)my grandmothers being well
9)friends from childhood
10)being truely happy
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Oct. 5th, 2005 @ 02:37 pm Jesus Fucking Christ
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: someone's ipod
I am so depressed right now. I got a call from Mr. Jenkins today (he's Mr. Jenkins right now cause I'm pissed) and he's taken the job in Shelby. YES it's more money, and YES he's moving up the corporate ladder (yippie fucking do) BUT I HATE IT THERE. And so I was like, well he'll still have to live in Clover for 8 months (his lease) so that sorta cheered me up, but then on the way back from lab (my first break to actually think about this all day) I realized that he plans on staying there for five or six years. At least. And I want to get married withing the next five or six years. At least. SO THAT MEANS I MUST LIVE IN SHELBY!

oh dear god the horror.

I HATE THE FUCKING TOWN. I really do. It's depressing and has absolutely NO comfort factor, all the restaurants there SUCK (yes they're chain restaurants. every single chain's restaurant in Shelby is the worse resturant of that chain. I have no idea how they do that.) The entire place seems run down (b/c it IS run down), it's not near ANY of my family or friends, and it has the highest homicide rate of any county in NC. I'm going to get fucking shot.

Well, no I won't but STILL.

I just don't want to live there. I don't want to raise children there, and in six years, I'll be turning 27 I'll be ready to try and open a practice and have children. I don't want to raise them there, the school systems suck. (Clover does have a good school system from what I hear). There's absolutely no small town community aspect (even Charlotte has that to a degree, or at least pockets of small town community. I think that's just what Charlotte is, a bunch of small towns on a small piece of land). I do NOT want to be a newlywed there.

So what's the solution....hum...NOT GET MARRIED FOR FIVE OR SIX YEARS? IS THAT IT?

God and I thought we were actually going in the right direction. I LOVE Clover. It's near his family and near Chester. It's cute and lovely, he has a nice house there. Now we're going to crack cocaine city instead.

I just feel....GOD I feel like this is some giant step backwards in our relationship b/c he'll have to move there eventually (being the editor and possibly the BIG editor after that) and I don't want to move again. I HATE MOVING. And I don't want to live in Shelby.

Oh my god I'm not getting married for another five or six years. It's true, I'm going to be like senile before it happens. And how in the hell would I tell him, "no, I don't want to get married, b/c I don't want to live in Shelby." I mean, am I just being spoiled? It's just...my depression just pulls me down just thinking about it. The sun is always setting in Shelby, and..and...and that's the part of the day that kills me. Sunset. I'm fine before and I'm fine after, but during? I hate it.

I really just want to go to a bathroom and cry. I have to go to my next class b/c I missed it on Monday (a whole different story that seems very insignificant now) and I can't skip the whole week of classes for it. I just want to go home and cry until I pass out. Until this all just goes away.
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Can't Live
Sep. 30th, 2005 @ 09:49 am Hum...
Current Mood: tiredtired and I have to pee
Current Music: type
I should be studying for a quiz right now you know. Or sleeping. or reading or doing a thousand other things. But I think my brain has finally malfunctioned. Data sensory overload!!
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Can't Live